Zodiac Bitchiness and Nasty Things. Part 1. Instructions for Guys

Are you tired of horoscopes that list only positive traits? Do you want to know what vices and unpleasant qualities the stars have generously given to the women around you?

Then read, enjoy — and arm yourself with knowledge, so the nasty sides of your girlfriend’s character won’t catch you off guard later.

♑ Capricorn

The key word for a Capricorn woman is self-control. Outwardly she keeps herself perfectly composed, while inside a real fire of passions may be raging. She dreams of meeting a real man — and is deadly afraid of falling in love.

Because of this excessive caution, she often makes the wrong choices and then suffers predictably. Don’t expect emotional outbursts or passionate confessions — even if she’s in love, she’ll make a heroic effort to pretend she doesn’t care.

Melting her icy facade is a task either for a professional psychologist or a blindly devoted optimist who never loses hope. If you dream of fiery romance with tender declarations of love — you’ve come to the wrong address. On the bright side, at least she’s reliable.

♒ Aquarius

An Aquarius woman is impulsive, irritable, but quick to cool down. She treats men lightly and sees them more as friends than future husbands.

A man won’t find a better friend than an Aquarius woman. Heavy passions scare her, so intense emotional displays or even hints of possessiveness will only make her panic and disappear in an unknown direction.

And don’t count on loyalty — it’s better to prepare for the worst in advance.

♓ Pisces

A Pisces woman lives in a world of illusions. She’s extremely sensitive, tearful, and constantly suffers from the feeling that she’s been betrayed.

She needs constant confirmation of your feelings; otherwise she’ll torment herself — and possibly you — with endless doubts. But even when she gets reassurance several times a day, she quickly starts taking it for granted, and the cycle repeats.

In short — a closed loop.

♈ Aries

The selfish and independent Aries woman (or should we say “she-ram”) loves to boss men around. She adores being worshipped and having every whim fulfilled — and she has plenty of whims.

During conflicts, she may stomp her feet and cry like a child until things go her way. Even if you manage to please her enough that she confesses her love, don’t expect loyalty.

As soon as a new admirer appears on the horizon, she may forget about you instantly.

♉ Taurus

Lucky enough to date a Taurus woman? Then brace yourself for dramatic scenes, screaming, and smashed dishes — possibly against your head.

Don’t even try to out-argue her — it’s pointless. Begging for forgiveness is equally futile. Accept the inevitable and admit she’s right.

Once the steam is released, she may become a bit more agreeable.

♊ Gemini

A Gemini woman hates stability and tends to change partners like gloves. If you’re her boyfriend, be prepared for her to flirt with your friends right in front of you.

Even if she swears she loves you, sooner or later she’ll demand freedom — while happily granting the same freedom to you. If you want to keep her, you’ll have to accept these terms.

And yes — she’ll always prefer her career to housekeeping.

♋ Cancer

There’s hardly anything more whiny and tearful than a Cancer woman. To the one she loves, she’s deeply devoted and ready to follow him to the ends of the Earth.

In return, she demands the same level of devotion. Not everyone enjoys having such a shadow trailing behind them everywhere.

If she senses even the slightest emotional cooling, she’ll withdraw into depression. She’s sensitive, and in that state can become vengeful.

Yelling won’t work with her at all — only affection. Tons of affection. Megatons. Then she’s easy to manipulate.

♌ Leo

A Leo woman is vain and domineering. She won’t coddle anyone who doesn’t meet her Everest-level standards.

She sees herself as the center of the Universe, so the man beside her must be Worthy — capital W.

If her pride is hurt, she won’t plot revenge — she’ll say everything straight to your face. After her tirade, hurricanes and tsunamis may seem like child’s drawings.

To win this fury, you’ll need an expensive gift (preferably gold with diamonds) and convincing proof that she’s a goddess among women. But don’t lose your backbone — or she’ll walk all over you without noticing.

♍ Virgo

You think only Leo women have high standards? Virgo’s are just as high — which is why she struggles to settle on someone.

Her criteria are different, though. Virgo may socialize with losers and slackers whom Leo wouldn’t even look at.

Virgos are often frivolous. Their favorite response is objection. Their favorite activity is criticism.

In short — protect your nerves and stock up on valerian.

♎ Libra

Libra women are convinced of their irresistibility. They love companies and attention — not men as such, but admirers and applause.

Life for Libra is more of a game than routine, so they play it endlessly. They adore luxury and absolutely hate unpleasant responsibilities.

♏ Scorpio

If you decide to date a Scorpio woman, consider yourself at war.

With her it’s either amazing or awful — or both, alternately. No middle ground. Constant stress is guaranteed.

If you lack iron nerves and steel masculinity — she’s not for you. Even if she tries to play sweet and obedient, naive and gentle, she won’t last long in that role.

Her true nature will surface — and when it does, nobody will be spared. She hates stinginess and is extremely jealous.

If she finds a message from another woman on your phone, you’ll want to eat that phone. And if she suspects cheating… let’s not go there.

♐ Sagittarius

A Sagittarius woman is more of a guy than a girl. Looking for tenderness and reverence? Ha.

You’ll have to accept her as she is — and you’ll still complain. She loves hanging out among men and openly enjoys attention.

So shove your jealousy far away — otherwise she’ll flee, scared by your passions. But don’t relax either: at parties she won’t sit quietly in a corner like a floor lamp.

Stay alert — or this skirted Casanova will redirect her attention to someone else.