Zodiac Signs and Funny Horoscopes

• Pursuit in Life: Living in the Moment
• Vibration: Enthusiastic
• Secret Dream: To be a leader

Astrology regards fire signs to be outgoing, active and adventurous, and Aries is one of the three signs that belong to this category. Many Aries are adventurers, athletes and sportspersons. Aries are also surprisingly naïve and trusting, often walking into trouble open-eyed. Aries have the amazing ability to rebound from any misfortune dealt to them. They have unswerving faith in life. They are innocent at heart, just like children, and to them the world is fantastic and magical.

Aries is ruled by Mars and there is undoubtedly a lot of male energy in this sign. No wonder many Aries women are aggressive, dynamic and forceful and hence, face complications in romantic relationships. Men have to have extraordinary masculine qualities to deal with Aries women or they are left intimidated by them. Similarly, for Aries men, their romantic companion has to have extraordinary feminine qualities to balance his masculine ones. Given these very strong masculine influence on both men and women, Aries can sometimes be a very confusing sign. However, Aries women provided with this masculine energy tend to be forthright, independent as well as competitive.

Both Aries men and women are people who get the job done instead of just talking about it. They are impulsive and start acting without really thinking about it beforehand. They perpetually live on the edge and come across a number of extraordinary experiences. They draw from their experiences rather than their knowledge. They abhor restrictions, in any sphere of life. They travel often and enjoy challenging situations. They may even disrupt boring normalcy to get some excitement out of it.

• Pursuit of Life: Security in personal and financial matters
• Vibrations: Determined
• Secret Dream: Happy, wealthy and secure life

Taurus is a very unique zodiac sign. It is impossible to know what is going on underneath their exteriors, which appear extremely calm, collected and cool. They are reputed to socialize well, but they tend to be discreet. They only allow people to get as close to them as they want. The fact is that they are extremely intense and their desires, feelings and fears run very deep, but you wouldn’t know that from observing them. It is impossible to sway a Taurean, once his views on a matter become fixed. No wonder they have earned the reputation of being boring, withdrawn, snobbish and even sulky.

Taureans are like vehicles that can run on autopilot. They can carry on their daily function on autopilot, without having to be fully involved in the activities. Instead, they focus on their inner strength to take off the pressure. The feel good factor is very important to Taureans and they like to be comfortable. They also don’t like change because it forces them to engage with the real world instead of operating on autopilot. This is why they like to plan ahead as well be in control of things instead of leaving anything to chance.

The fact is that Taurus is one of the three earth signs and as a result, they are extremely sensuous. They delight in the pleasures they get from their five senses. They tend to love pets and all things that spring from nature.

• Pursuit in Life: Explore everything
• Vibrations: Intense
• Secret Dream: To be ahead of everyone else

Gemini is governed by Mercury. According to Greek mythology, the quick-footed Mercury was entrusted with the job of delivering messages from one god to another. Little wonder then that people born under this sign are forever in motion, their quest being new experiences and new knowledge. They have immense curiosity and they want to know something about everything, but are unlikely to bothered with the details or in depth knowledge of any one particular thing. They are the types who enjoy variety, not specialization.

Geminis are also considered to be the most talkative zodiac sign. Those who do not expend their energies in talking, usually take up writing or learning new and foreign languages. In romantic relationships, they need a partner who can match them step for step. They are the type of people who want to be the center of people’s conversation for any reason, rather than not be talked about. And, the fact is that they usually observed and talked about as well as analyzed by other zodiac signs. Their uniqueness usually tends to make others jealous. They seem to have a mysterious personality and are seemingly unattached to everything, but they are also tremendously misunderstood and underappreciated for the role they play in the world.

Geminis tend to be multitalented. They are extremely adept at dealing with financial matters quickly and efficiently. They also love to think a step ahead of other people in the spirit of adventure and game play. But, it is also possible for Geminis to handle their finances leading to aggravations with their partners.

• Pursuit in Life: Perpetual Intimacy and Reassurance
• Vibration: Moody
• Secret Dream: Feeling of safety and security in emotional, romantic, financial and spiritual matters.

Cancer is ruled by the Moon, resulting in this sign being very enigmatic. Cancerians are full of contradictions. On one hand they can be understanding, compassionate and supportive and on the other they can be caustic and even jealous. They are subjected to ever changing moods. They can be the endearing eccentric sometimes and at other times they can be extremely insecure and jealous. Their symbol is the crab, and just like the crab, they seem to have a tough exterior and an extremely soft interior that can be very sensitive.

Similar to the Moon, people belonging to this sign also go through many different phases in their lives. There seems to be no stillness in their existence, whether or not there is any motion. Their internal lives are too full and varied even if their external lives do not change very much. Because they are linked to the Moon, each day takes on a different face for them. This constant change makes them highly unpredictable, even to themselves, but it also makes them charming.

To Cancerians, love and romance are of utmost importance, while a good ban balance comes a close second. No other zodiac sign deals with romance better than this one, but they react equally badly when it doesn’t work out. But, their ever-changing nature, not only helps them cope, it also makes them highly alluring, stimulating, mysterious and fascinating. This sign is rightly considered to be amongst the most magical signs in the zodiac.

• Pursuit in Life: To Be Leaders
• Vibrations: Radiant
• Secret Dream: To Be a Star

Leos are ruled by their heart and love is an all-encompassing passion for them. Leos are born with considerable good fortune. Not only does their charisma and positive thinking gets them lots of opportunities and friendships, they are also able to withstand life’s trials and tribulations with panache and a smile on their faces.

Leos are very committed, faithful and devoted to their relationships. If they suffer from a broken heart, their neither forget nor forgive. However, if their relationship ends, they will move ahead without looking behind for a moment. It is impossible to get a Leo to re-commit to a relationship. When they leave, it is final. On the other hand, they can themselves easily cut ties without a backward glance. However, they will rarely do so without good reason.

The Leos have three different levels of evolution of their soul. The lowest is the Lion Cub, who is easily frightened and tends to cling to others for support and security. They are considered undeveloped and immature and they do not function well on their own. The second level is the Lion, the King of the Jungle. These are typically governed by their egos, but they protect and nurture those whom they love. Finally, the third stage is the Shpinx. These are highly regarded for their wisdom and their ability to guide and lead others.

Irrespective of which level they may be at, all Leos are adventurers, leaders and trendsetters. Their Achilles’ heel is typically their pride. They can be easily flattered, but rarely criticized without grave consequences.

• Pursuit in Life: To Do Right
• Vibration: Compassion and Care
• Secret Dream: To love and be loved

Virgos are generally blamed for narrow mindedness and fussiness. But, it is truly difficult to match the inner light of the shining Virgo. A shining Virgo is a veritable treat to come across. A self confident Virgo is more successful, structured and creative than any other zodiac sign.

Many Virgos involves themselves in work that is of great benefit to others, be it social work, teaching, reform work, being doctors etc. They can even be found dealing with alternative and natural forms of healing like massage, aroma therapy, etc. The fascinating aspect of Virgos is that their faith is others refuses to be shaken by any number of bad experiences they may have in their lives and they never become cynics. This sign is known to be ingenuous, warm hearted and is often taken for a ride by others. It is not uncommon for Virgos to be victims in power games played y others and they often end up being treated unfairly or unjustly.

Virgos are both sensitive and creative people as well as delicate. They often need to be treated individualistically to bring out their inner beauty. Virgos are typically shy and they are happy to give up center stage to other. Instead, they channel their energies into ensuring the happiness and success of those they love.

Virgos are known to be givers and not takers. When things look down and one is in need of a real friend, it is often a Virgo that comes to the aid, providing advice, support, companionship and love. Human failings are nothing new to Virgos and they are compassionate in turn. You can count on a Virgo to be caring and understanding and any relationship, whether it is friendship or romance will blossom if based on these values.

• Pursuit in Life: Consistency
• Vibrations: Unsteady
• Secret Dream: Easy, Uncomplicated Life

The quest of the Libran youth is to find the King or Queen of their dreams and this quest and where it leads is what shapes the rest of their lives. Whatever experience they go through, whether it is broken hearts, false starts, dramas or tragedy in the pursuit of this dream has a deep impact in shaping their lives. Even though they have a very happy go lucky appearance no matter what they are faced with, the fact is that journey to find their true love matters a lot to Librans.

It is easy for Librans to keep the world at bay. At such times, there is intense activity going on in their internal lives. For many Librans, their real life does not reach the levels of their fantasies. However, they are still able to lead a fully successful and independent life, while appearing to be devoted to a ‘close relationship.’ Their modus operandi is to role play effectively, which also brings them a lot of success in business. While it may be difficult to read a Libran when it comes to romantic relationships, business allows them the opportunity to be creative as well as gives them an outlet for expressive different facets of their personalities. Their charming nature can bring friendships as well as opportunities to their doorstep. However, whether it is in personal or professional life, Librans often agree instead of disagreeing when they want to for the sake of peace and harmony.

It is highly unfortunate to note that many Librans would have done better for themselves by staying single. But, Librans who do find their perfect love have a completely different destiny. For them life is paradisiacal in the way they had fantasized it and they totally live up to it. The important thing for Librans to remember is to pursue their dreams and not settle for the second best.

• Pursuit in Life: Survival against all Odds
• Vibration: Resilient
• Secret Dream: Triumph

According to astrology, Scorpios are the most powerful sign in the zodiac. They lead full lives and their personal relationships often tend to be dramatic and highly intense. Even when they are young, Scorpio children are known to be wise beyond their years. This is hardly surprising considering that astrologers consider Scorpios to the sign of the ‘oldest souls’. It is not uncommon for Scorpios to have all the answers, with few exceptions, given that they really are wise and old beyond their years. But on the other hand, they often have trouble fulfilling those needs that would make them happy themselves.

The three important aspects of a Scorpio’s character are power, desire and passion. Very often, you will find that the most difficult choice for a Scorpio lies between love of power and power of love. They are extraordinarily sensitive and they have great emotional depths and many around them find it difficult to fathom either. There is no other sign quite like the Scorpio and this makes them very extraordinary indeed. It is not uncommon to know or even live with a Scorpio for a considerable amount of time without actually getting to know them. In that sense, Scorpios are highly secretive. One is often left with the feeling that there are not enough words to express all the emotions felt by a Scorpio and Scorpios can feel all these emotions quite intensely. Dealing with Scorpios requires one to be psychic intuitive. They do not show their true emotions easily or freely. They often refuse or deny instead of agreeing or accepting. They have highly contradictory natures. They can be truly loyal, faithful and dedicated to their true loves, but they will never forgive or forget if the relationship comes to an end.

Scorpios tend to win at things. It is their attitude they need to be most concerned about. They will make it or break depending on what they constitute their mid power to be. They can be most difficult when they decide to be negative, whether about themselves or about others.

Scorpios function on three levels of evolution of the soul, which leads to three different kinds of Scorpios. The first is the Scorpion. This has seen the least evolution of the soul and tends to use its power in the worst ways. At this level, you will see the criminals amongst the Scorpios. The next level is the Eagle. At this level, the Scorpio is successful, entrepreneurial and high flying. It seems to overcome adversity and can turn negative into positive. The highest level of the Scorpio is the Phoenix Resurrected. At this level, Scorpios can be extremely detached as well as powerful. This is a stage when their wisdom of the ages comes to light and they are able to lead and inspire others. It is common for a Scorpio to function at all three levels of soul evolution is one lifetime. However, these stages may not be chronologically ordered.

• Pursuit in Life: The Good Life
• Vibration: Overly expressive, Facing Burn outs frequently
• Secret Dream: Making a Difference

This sign is governed by Jupiter which makes it the most optimistic sign in the zodiac by endowing it with qualities like love for life, sense of adventure and a natural exuberance. The symbol of this sign is the Archer, which means that Sagittarians are great at taking aim of what they want in life and achieving it, whether it is the perfect job, the perfect partner or anything else. A Sagittarian typically believes that anything can be made possible and it is this belief that makes the Sagittarians actually succeed in getting what they want.

Sagittarians are free spirited and it is difficult to tie them down. They are most happy when they are in motion. They like the spirit of exploration, whether it is new ideas or new cultures and they are often found choosing occupations related to philosophical enquiries, outdoor work, media or travel. They do not like possessive relationships. It is important for them to find partners who will not impinge on their sense of self identity. But, when do find such partners, they are known to be fun loving, generous and big hearted partners.

Jupiter is considered to be the planet of abundance and higher learning. This explains the love for freedom, the high optimism and honesty in Sagittarians. Sagittarians tend to be wise and they usually develop their own philosophy of life. The Centaur which is the astrological symbol of the sign along with the Archer tells you a lot of their character. Sagittarians who are evolved have to synthesize both the human as well as the beastly aspects of their nature for their arrow of aspirations to hit its mark. So you will find that while on one hand, Sagittarians are evolved spiritually and intellectually, they are very tactless. Similarly, when it comes to relationships, they must have freedom, but on the other hand, they are the most generous signs of all.

• Pursuit in Life: To take Pride in their Achievement
• Vibration: Resilient and Powerful
• Secret Dream: Admiration

Capricorn is the sign of achievers. There are two different kinds of Capricorns. The first is symbolized by the mountain goat. Its aim is to reach higher ground and it eventually makes it to the top of the mountain. The second type of Capricorn is symbolized by the garden goat. It does not have high ambitions, not is it adventurous. Instead, it is content to stay on its turf and will move grudgingly. But, both types are known to be resilient, as they have the gift of patience and perseverance. They reach the end of the line by taking the first step and then taking the next one and the nest one and so on.

Capricorns are always in the danger of giving too much importance to work and not giving enough attention to emotional satisfaction. Capricorns find the challenge of a new job or an impossible deadline exciting. No matter what defeats life may offer them, they are continually moving in the same directions- up and ahead. Capricorns are not averse to trying out new ideas in order to succeed whether in love or in business, even though they are known to be conservative and cautious. In romance, they look for a partner who is up to giving them affection and they prefer permanent relationships.

Capricorn is governed y Saturn, which represents hard work, structure and responsibility. It is hardly surprising then that Capricorns tend to be great organizers and are typically practical and ambitious. The fear is that they may end up becoming workaholics. But then, their sense of humor comes to their rescue giving them a more rounded personality. Their sense of humor is rather off beat and shows up when least expected. Capricorns are typically motivated by a number of factors- authority, status, money, success and love. The cautiousness of the Capricorns is evident when they enter a new relationship, but the moment they get the feeling of security and safety in the relationship, they allow their inner selves to emerge. Also, Capricorns make the best, strongest and most capable friends in the entire zodiac.