Zodiac Signs and Funny Horoscopes

You are tired of all the horoscopes with all the superior things to happen with you? You want to know which sins and mucks belong to males that happen to appear in your surrounding? Then, you read and enjoy the below. Apply these instructions to prevent occasions when the disgust in your beloved personality goes open to turn everything upside down.

Capricorn
Capricorn is very, very obstinate person and he is not able to get convinced at all. When he agrees with you, it means your opinions come to one point. Bear in mind, he believes he is right in every occasion. Capricorn is a real pain in the neck who cannot tolerate jigs and parties. He can be lost for other people if not talked to him adequately. Mentioned above, it is too hard to convince him in something, it is quite infeasible. And therefore, the best way is to accentuate his concerns and interest and bring to some idea with the precise shot to make him believe it is the idea of his own. The Capricorn is ambitious, and he supposes he knows life and, thus, he is sure to lecture on how you should live and work, and cook and date, and especially – how to spend money. So, take it a secret that you go berserk about shopping.

Aquarius
Aquarius adores dreaming and intending something global though his energy and patience are not enough to even start up. He promises are feasible and he believes in what he is saying. But you’d rather ignore his sweet words. You’d better avoid Aquarius when considering serious business and solid matters. Never think you can make him undertake responsibilities but reply on yourself only.

Pisces
Do you need an ordinary guy who is self-confident and pragmatic? You don’t care of the one flying in the sky and day-dreaming? Then you address to the wrong Zodiac sign guy. All the Pisces live in their own dream underwater and, as the consequence they are not absolutely adopted to real life. The Pisces is childish, he is hesitant, incredibly sensitive and always needs care otherwise he can be missed in the debris of reality for his dependence.

Aries
Once you face Aries on your way, you may rush to the drug-store to get some antidepressants. This is the member of the sheep family known for the craziest obstinacy and selfishness that are demonstrated with the childish ingenuousness that can make you crazy in a second. Even if the Aries is aware of his mistakes, he argues to the end, just because he is used to be the right party. He has his own opinion on every single matter, even regarding issues he is not concerned at all. Bursts of aggression and attacks of bad mood make the Aries distinguish among other signs. However, he recovers soon.

Taurus
Taurus is absolutely sure he is able to do everything he wants and if so, why try? He is pleased with himself only. Even in cases when there is nothing to be proud of. The Taurus confuses the exorbitant stubbornness as the backbone of the real man; the covetousness is accepted as the saving, and inclination to pessimism – as the real perception of the world.

Gemini
No other Zodiac sign possesses the capacity to put everything upside down as Gemini. There is nothing to get bored about him though since the second week of close relation with Gemini you feel yourself like a sprinter among long-distance runners who hopelessly lagged behind and exhausted to death. If you are in good physical condition and mental force to endure the breathtaking tendency to constant changes in Gemini (providing you are not Gemini yourself), then you are worth the monument to honor you. The Gemini likes tossing here and there; he adores showing off, making fun and fooling around. Future life is not reliable with him but it is real fun. No faithfulness is expected from Gemini, and once you turn back, he flirts with your best friend.

Cancer
This bore and whimperer seeks for his mom’s features in every girl and when he believes he has found a woman of dream, he does his best to marry her. The Cancer is too close to home and cozy places and family. He is able to kill his wife with permanent claims and complaints on how to wash dishes, feed the pets and cook his cuisines in favor. Once you decide to marry to Cancer- be sure he will ruin your best years spent with him.

Leo
Obsessed with his personality only, Leo does not see anyone but himself. And probable some more guys who sing the praises of him. He is arrogant and believes to be rather generous to remember offences and promises. This royal guy loves spending money, lead a party life and live surrounded with beautiful women. He is awfully jealous, hasty and quick to take offence. He does not tolerate when someone is jealous about him since he never adopts a thought that he may belong to somebody else. He is number one, and if you postpone dating for the other day just for the reason to visit a sick Aunty, he is able to get offended and insulted to death. What the hell is Auntie there?

Virgo
This is a terrible nit-picker. He is able to torment with details and reprimands. The Virgo grumbles that there is too much cholesterol in the butter, and that the fried and roasted dish is harmful for the stomach. He is lazy to the outrageous extent, though he supposes he is hard-working since he affords himself to bestir himself to do a thing. He is tough about emotions and he treats love and love affairs with alert.

Libra
Libra is too suspicious, reserved and mean-spirited. He is often irritated and up ready to vent his spleen upon the one who is caught first when the things are not as he planned. He is known to make up problems that do not exist and then he solves them tiresomely and long. He has lots of friends though he never believes anyone, in fact.

Scorpio
Scorpio is naughty, hair-splitting and rancorous Scorpio who is always irritated when the things are not done in the way he sees it right. His permanent knocks and bleak look can suppress you down the earth for their solidity weight can drive anyone mad. And when this insecticide starts getting jealous about you, you will want to disappear in the middle of nowhere dreaming not to hear him. He is generous but he perfectly remembers how many times you failed to cry for joy and scream for gifts he presented to you.

Sagittarius
He is honest; he never lies since his nature does not tolerate lies. He never tells a lie even when the truth is not reasonable. If and when he catches you up in telling a lie, then wait until the heel opens for you. The Sagittarius is crazily jealous though he cannot go by beauties. The sense of humor typical to him cannot compensate all his drawbacks to the full extent.